After his last weight check, I became more stressed and frustrated. All this work feels like an up-hill battle, but he still wasn't gaining sufficient weight. Feeding these two babies has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have moments where it's so worth it and moments where...it's so NOT worth it.
The nurse from the county came back at my request 2 weeks after she weighed them last--just to see if he'd gained weight. We consulted with a few people - their pediatrician, the county nurse, and the occupational therapist from their NICU stay. Here are the changes we made:
- Add 4 T of rice cereal to his 6 oz bottle. It's like sludge. The occupational therapist believes he has reflux and he's not getting enough milk from me - so he is hungry a lot. This has helped.
- Don't let him cry himself to sleep any more - for the time being. We rock him, well bounce him to sleep every time. This is to help him conserve his calories. He fusses really hard when we let him cry in his bed.
- Give him 2 fortified bottles per day instead of just the 1 we've been doing. Which means I pump more.
Well, the results were in on Monday afternoon. He gained 12 ounces in 2 weeks! He is back on the growth curve.
Sydney, on the other hand, only gained 5 oz. I'd been working so hard to get Ethan's weight up that she suffered a bit. I have to pump about 12 times per day to get the 18.5 oz I need to get to feed them their bottles. I come up short almost every day and we thaw from frozen milk.
My question: Why is this so stressful? It has put me over the top countless times when I don't have enough milk for them. I've fed them for 6.5 months but it looks like we may have to start supplementing with some formula for a bottle or so a day because our frozen stash is almost out. I've shed too many tears to count over this and last night I realized that it's not worth all the stress. I've accepted the fact that I will be supplementing their feedings with a little formula while continuing to feed/pump/feed/pump etc. I finally don't feel like I will have a meltdown over this. Love that feeling.
11 comments:
My third baby (1st C-section) was a terrible nurser. He fought it every feeding. I struggled and cried over it for 6-7 weeks and finally just put him on a bottle. He was happy and I realized as long as he was thriving we were both okay. Don't beat yourself up. You have definitely given your all and done your very best.
Heather.... Seriously.... YOu are amazing. nursing twins for 6 months is a huge accomplishment. Formula was awesome for my last 2 babies. Hang in there. Love you lots.
You are incredible! Nursing TWO babies for SIX AND A HALF months??!!?? That is amazing! Be proud to have made it so far!
Huge hug your way, I think you have done an awesome job!
yes. like i said tonight, 6 months is a good mark. you think it's going to be so easy, and when you have a hard baby or a low milk supply, sometimes, you just have to do the best you can and not beat yourself up over the rest. relax and do the best you can. (without going too insane).
Yes, please don't feel like you're doing your babies a dis-service by supplementing with a bottle. You're sanity is worth it. Nursing is so stressful, and you've done it well for so long. Even if you don't do it exculsively for the winter season they'll still get the benefits of nursing for their immune systems.
Nursing twins is HUGE and to make it to SIX MONTHS is even bigger!
Congratulations - most people just give up! I am so proud of you!
What a great Mom you are for trying and crying over this!
Keep smiling - the kids are here, healthy, happy and just love you to piece - that is what matters most!
I feel (some) of your pain. I've had to turn to formula for different reasons--my own health. My body doesn't like relaxin and I keep having back issues until I wean. While I know it's the best decision, it's still hard. I still feel guilty when I know I shouldn't. I was feeling this way again as I read your blog and you chronicled how incredibly hard you have fought to nurse those two darlings. I hereby proclaim by virtue of your tenacity you are not allowed to feel bad! You've worked your butt off! Let's celebrate that!
wish i could give you a GIANT hug heather! You are3 amazing! I honestly can't even imagine nursing 2 babies! Look how good they're doing. the great thing is, they'll never remember these days so don't feel guilty (although it is so easy to). they love you! you're awesome!
Love ya lots! kate
I agree with everyone! You have done your best and it is a miracle that you have made it to 6 months. Most people now-a-days feel the pain and stress and don't try anymore. Noone will judge you if you switch to formula (even full time). Your babies will be fine. Hugs to you and your sweet little ones :)
Don't sell yourself short. You are doing an amazing job-better than I could have done or even did with just one baby. Take a deep breath and keep telling yourself you can do it like the little engine that could...I think I can.. I think I can.... and you will be saying ..I thought I could. All you have to do is your best, and you are already doing that...Love You!
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