The next day, I went to stop by (Tuesday) and my grandma seemed to be alert most of the day. My sister, Tiffany, was there and we made the day of it. I had intended to stay for an hour and ended up spending the entire day there. I remember calling Doug on the way home and saying "I just couldn't leave. The Spirit was so strong and I could feel the presence of so many angels preparing her and standing by her. I thought of her mother, whom she had only known for a few years of her life. She was there. I knew it. I told her how much I loved her. I thanked her for her goodness, kindness to my family, for loving me, for supporting me. It was a day like I had never had before. This is my first grandparent to pass to the next life. She was so ready, so prepared, so peaceful.
Wednesday, I went down again, but grandma wasn't responsive.
Thursday, I just wanted to be there. I finally grabbed the kids and felt compelled to be at her bedside. I left my house and sat in traffic for a bit. It made NO sense for me to come now, my kids were hungry. I walked in the door and saw my sister, parents, uncle, aunt, and a cousin eating pizza in the kitchen and in the same room, my grandma was lying and I was told she hadn't been responsive all day. As I approached her bedside (6:20 pm), I was struck by how rapid and labored her breathing had become since I had seen her the previous day. I looked to my grandpa, who was sitting in a chair closeby and asked if she had been like this all day. He said, "I think the end is close. Her breathing has been like this for a few hours." I said, "It's hard for me to see her like this" and felt emotional. My grandpa came to her bedside and edged me over until I was sitting in a chair behind him. I've never seen such love and devotion! He took her hand and said, "Just go buddy. You can go. Heavenly Father will take you. Just go buddy. You can go buddy…." He said those same words over and over again. I began to weep and I turned to make eye contact with my mom. She asked me what he was saying and I said, "He's telling her to go." My dad and his brother, my Uncle Gary came quickly and sat by my grandpa and comforted him.
My mom called the Hospice nurse, Mary. I guess the rapid breathing hadn't started until I walked in the door. Mary said that she would pass away tonight. She said that labored breathing was a sign that end was close. She had told us that most women die in the middle of the night when all is settled in the house--perhaps because that is when a mom's work is 'done'. My Uncle Gary had been hoping that he would be there when she passed and Mary had told him it wasn't likely as he slept at his home at night. We all settled in by her bedside. My grandpa stayed right near her head--I saw how much he loved her over the next hour. Ethan and Sydney were playing downstairs with my mom.
Suddenly, my Uncle Gary said (about 7:25 pm) "She's going." and I hurried to get my mother. I looked over at my grandma and her eyes were wide open. Her eyes had been partly-open for months and they had been closed for 2 days. She looked almost alarmed, but not afraid. She looked up above our faces and to her left. She didn't blink. I could feel something happening, but I didn't know what it was. I could feel the presence of many angels that I could not see with my eyes but I felt like I almost could. Suddenly Ethan burst into the room singing as my grandma took one last gasp of air. I quickly left the room and took Ethan downstairs. I immediately came back up and when I walked in the room, I knew she was gone in part because I could feel that the angels who had come to welcome her home had left with her spirit. She was ready to go--not an ounce of fear to trepidation. I admired that. Watching how she was so ready made me look at my life and if I would feel ready if it were my time to go home to Him.
Doug came just 5 minutes after she passed away and picked up Ethan and Sydney and took them home. I stayed until the funeral home director came and they took her body. We said a family prayer and my dad and my uncle gave my grandpa a Priesthood blessing. My grandpa looked numb and somewhat lost. It was good to be with him in that moment.
I drove home so grateful I was able to be there to see my grandma's last moments and to hug my grandpa when he needed those hugs the most. The last few days are days I will never forget.
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